That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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