this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
