awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This is classic penis vs brain.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
