the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have aggressive nipples.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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