Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
