So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
