Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
