Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
