No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I need to align my fucking chakras
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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