Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
