So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
