New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
