Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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