Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
