Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
