I'm going to jail i love you
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
