In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
