he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
