I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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