i just sent this text using only my big toe
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
