i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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