I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
