My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
