my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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