If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
