I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
