By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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