i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
