We won't sleep together?
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
