its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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