The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
