Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
dude. I can hear the air.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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