ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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