Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
