Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
