Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
