The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
