oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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