i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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