yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
