Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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