ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
