the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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