apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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