she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
