fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
