I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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