at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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