Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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