I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
